fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
