there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
