why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
