Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize