I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
