people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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