too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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