no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
