Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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