It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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