how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
