i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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