im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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