Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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