I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
