My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Ketchup is God's man juice
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
