I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
