I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
