He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
