Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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