They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
