As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
