I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Randomize
