it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize