Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
