I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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