cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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