absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
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