It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
