So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
