Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
