Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
