and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
