I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
