he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
