So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
