There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
