I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Even my vagina gasped.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
