On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
