i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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