sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
