You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
