what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
