we have pet lesbian snakes
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
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