is your mom at the bar?
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
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