Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
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