Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
