They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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