She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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