Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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