Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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