It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
