I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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