I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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