This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
