Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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