Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize