: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
