hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
