I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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