Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
