matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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