Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
