i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
