im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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