Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I faked an abortion last night.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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