I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Randomize
