I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
