If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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