I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
the condom got lost in my hair
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
