you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Sorry my hands just texted you
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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