yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
